The Post-Submission Roller Coaster
(or, a writer's emotional journey told in GIFs)
I did it. I finished my (sixth) draft and passed it on to a group of beta readers for feedback. I even whipped up a query letter and synopsis and submitted it to Author Mentor Match in the hopes of getting some professional help with this story.
I have been working on this project off and on for over seven years. This story has changed a lot in that time, especially in the last couple of years as I've really owned the idea of being a writer and committed to getting this story turned into a real book some day. I am so proud of what I've accomplished, and I can't wait to hear what people think of it.
Taking the plunge to send my story off to both betas and a mentorship contest was a huge step for me, and it was a long time coming. I am historically slow to ask for help, and a scaredy-cat when it comes to letting other people see the things I've created with my own blood, sweat, tears. Allowing so many eyes to see something I made - and something that I know is less than perfect - is a real testament to my personal growth. I feel like a champion.
And it lasts for...approximately 24 hours. Then the thrill of pride is replaced with the pit of terror. What have I done? This story wasn't ready to be seen by other people. It needed at least another seven years and forty drafts before it even came close to that!
What are they going to say about THAT scene??
Maybe I can revoke everyone's access to the google docs for a day or two and make some more changes. Just a couple things, real quick. Maybe shift this scene around, or rework the first chapter. Do you think if I email the submissions account at Author Mentor Match they'll let me submit a different version of my query letter? I should have taken more time on that synopsis...
WHAT WAS I THINKING??? My story is garbage. I am garbage. Has anyone emailed me back yet to tell me I'm garbage? Maybe it's in my spam folder...
A week and half later, and I seem to have settled into a happy medium. I know the story has issues. That's why I want beta feedback and am looking for a mentor. I can't write it alone. This is the first book I've ever tried to write, and I'm doing it without any formal training in creative writing. So I'm learning as I go, and the work will only get better with each round of feedback.
(But that's not stopping me from obsessively checking my inbox. Or stalking #AMMteasers on twitter and reading every tweet, even from mentors I didn't even submit to like a crazy person).
In the meantime, I've sent the first three chapters to a book coach. And even though I'm tempted to keep picking at my story like it's an old scab while I wait for beta feedback, I'm exercising some discipline and leaving it alone.
Instead, I'm resurrecting an idea I had a couple of years ago for a retelling of Cinderella. So pardon me while I deep dive into all things 90s and daydream about the plot of my shiny new project. Hopefully this one won't take seven years...